I think I get bored easy Thursday, Oct 2 2008

I know this because I have decided to move my blog again, the only problem is that I don’t know if I can export everything back into Blogger! If anyone know how, let me know please, I would hate to lose everything.

I can be found over at http://2plus1equalfamily.blogspot.com/ I have only just put a post on, not very long but until I have more time, that will have to be it for now. Before when we were trying to keep our donor a secret it was different, now I feel we can be more open since we are only doing adoption. I hope you all continue to follow my journey to be a mum as I will be following all of my blogging friends, no matter where you live in the world.

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DRUM ROLL PLEASE ……………. Saturday, Sep 20 2008

Sorry I have been such a bad blogger lately 😦 I really haven’t had much to say or share however ……………..

On the 15th of September 2008, DHS has officially received all of our paperwork, references and police checks ……………………….. so that means we are now officially waiting for a social worker to be available to do our assessment!

Don’t get to excited though, it could take 6 months for that.

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Where has she been ……. Monday, Sep 8 2008

you may ask?

Well we have been busy over here, acting like real grown ups, doing grown up things. We have started painting the house, we brought a new 50″ Plasma TV and we brought a new 6 seater dining setting (although I think with another 4 chairs it could easily be a 10 seater the table is that darn long!)

Had a hard time with the Plasma as we had originally brought a different brand but when I went to pick it up, they didn’t have our TV, so after much discussion got the TV upgraded but the extended warranty we purchased was not given as they didn’t want to lose to much money on the deal. But don’t you worry yourself, I made a complaint to the stores head office and the extended 5 year warranty will be provided ‘free of charge’ to us. Like it bloody well should be so I won’t shame the store on my blog like I threatened, however they will be getting some nasty complaints from community organisations in our area (my dad’s the president) .

I feel like after 5 years our house is actually starting to feel homely. I said to D the other night that I feel like I can actually see our toddler walking in to the lounge room, arms stretched out for mummy or daddy. After the painting is done, then we will have to lay our tiles in the wet area’s, kitchen, dining room and entry. Just about then we can start on the outside of the house.

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My brain Wednesday, Aug 27 2008

At the moment I am really in a low point, just when you think its all clear then boom, infertility hits you again right between the eyes.

It started with going to the Christening on the weekend for good friends, Mrs C has even thanked me for her getting pregnant with her husbands baby as they were originally going to use donor until I pushed them along to find out about testicular biopsy, but somewhere in that Christening I couldn’t take my eyes off that baby. How remarkable that they have a baby that has both their genes when it could have easily been only her gene and a donor. I wish with all my heart that was US. It makes me realise no matter how much you think your over it and moved to the next chapter, something pulls you back.

Then this morning I received an email from a friend I had meet on-line at a forum where we were all trying to get pregnant. She it appeared had such bad quality eggs that IVF just won’t even work for her. Getting donor eggs in this country is really hard but she continued to try this. I had a voice mail from her only a week ago or so to advise she was on her way to Brisbane, she is from South Australia to see about an egg donor. Today I received an email to advise she is officially pregnant. This is the kicker. My first thought wasn’t joy. I thought that she along with me would never feel the joy of motherhood and now here I am the only one! I wasn’t meant to be alone, why is this happening to me, I should be over joyed that someone that I helped with advice has finally had her dream come true, but I’m not because that means its only me who won’t that won’t have that dream fulfilled.

I feel bad that I feel this way but I really can’t stand it in my head anymore. I really want to the feel that sensation of a baby move, even the morning sickness, people say oh once you adopt and have that baby in your arms, you’ll forget all about it, but you know I don’t know if I ever will.

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So far ………… Friday, Aug 22 2008

Above is a fairy I just found, I’m keeping her for prayers for all of my friends and also for selfish reasons ….ME

On the adoption front we should have everything under control paperwork side, there was only 1 reference to be sent in which should be there by now, then just the waiting.

My breast, well so far still down as a cyst, as I’m still feeling it, the doctor is referring me to a breast clinic to have it checked, for now I will just forget about it unless I feel allot of pain. Its funny really because on the surface I can not feel anything but internal I can feel its not right. Not that I’m saying its more than a cyst. God Forbid. But I never really thought I knew my body that well.

Nothing else exciting is happening over here, have my dad birthday today, so will visit with him tonight, and Master Hunter’s christening tomorrow. All photo opportunities, have to take them where I can people.

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Wait with me????????? Monday, Aug 18 2008

Today is not a good day for me, see picture above, I’m sure from that you can work out why!

So since I had to go to the doctors being a Monday (doctors note required) I had to see about something else that had been troubling me for about 3 weeks.

My right breast, well nipple area that is. It all started, or seemed to start around the time I brought a new bra. Although that may have just been a coincidence. So every time I coughed, bent forward and actually just all the time I had like this pulling, tugging feeling, even when D wasn’t touching it 🙂 So there I was putting off going to the doctor’s until the poo thing started and although neither he or I could feel a lump, he sent me for an ultrasound all the same.

I waited and waited to get in from the waiting room, of course I was early, no good putting off the bad stuff. I have never had a mammogram or anything like that so I was a little embarrassed to have to ‘disrobe’. Anyway, she took forever, I could hear a lot of clicking and she was talking to herself a far bit and in the end did say she saw something but it didn’t appear to be anything to worry about. She tells me there is 2 spots at 12 o’clock and 1 o’clock, then proceeds to get the head doctor to have a look ‘just in case’. So now to wait for the results, 2 days, 2 long days. I don’t even know that they are called besides cysts, what type, I do not know.

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Back to normal Saturday, Aug 16 2008

Well we are now back to normal in this crazy animal infested house! The floors are muddy, the washing not done, no ironing ready to be done, toilet’s not cleaned and mess everywhere ………………………… hang on, that’s not normal except of course for the muddy floors, what do you expect with no grass and a hell of a lot of rain?

I’m slowly getting over the fact that a dog died in my back yard this week. I couldn’t help but notice that Miss Molly didn’t realise that the dog she had been rounding-up on the other side of the fence was no longer there as she was still rounding him up the day after 😦 I try not to look into their eyes and think about what they must have seen that horrible day.

DHS is at its slowest again although I did manage to get 3 phone calls in 2 days from them. 1 was to advise that, even though we had to complete the Police Checks in their office, due to , who knows why, they managed to miss 2 boxes on both our applications. Luckily I could tell them over the phone about them. Then the next day they called to advise that they had everything except for 1 reference ………………. hello which one? Of course when I called back I couldn’t get the person I needed but left a very descriptive message to leave the name on my voice mail so that I could chase them up. Hello, why do I need to tell you that!

So if you looked at my comments on my last post you would see that I made my own comment too, I was a little intoxicated that night oops, I haven’t been out drinking in a long time and let me tell you, it will be a long time before that happens again, I think Lemon Limes Bitters is going to be my drink of choice from now on. I really do not like the feeling of a vice on my head and the throwing up, even if it is just the water I just drunk, or the half a cup of tea.

I usually go shopping with mum on Saturday arvo’s and called to say I probably won’t be going except that my nephew was down with his 2 little darlings Miss K and Master D, so my MENTAL nephew threw a hissy fit about us messing with his plans because he was planning on going out without his children (he is only 18, dumb fuck) so an hour later, I was washed and dressed and ready to shop. In the end it was quite a good day, I didn’t;t get the groceries brought but the kids got their faces painted and went on the Thomas the Tank train that the shopping centre, we went into GAS (I think that’s what its called), its a kids shop at Epping Plaza that is full of fantastic kids stuff at ridiculous prices of course but fun except for the 2 year old boy running around touching everything, including free standing mirrors!

So today I have to do the washing, ironing, grocery shopping, hardware shops, pet shops and I;m sure some other things I haven’t thought of, all the while still managing to have the wine repeat on my after 2 days. What the ………

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I’m embrassessed to say…….. Updated Wednesday, Aug 13 2008

God have you had one of those days, where everything seemed fine and should have been since you made it home unscathed. But then a neighbour knocks on the door because the fence palings are down and their dog is missing and could you just check your yard ………………………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To find that their dog is in your yard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DEAD!

Update- sorry guys, I couldn;t finish my post yesterday as the internet conection was so painfully slow.

So as for the dog, don’t know how he ended up dead, mind you we do have 3 dogs on our side, one being an Alaskan malamute which could explain somethings but there was no puncture marks or blood for that matter. The neighbour is ok, he thinks that his dog is a bit aggressive and trys to fight everything when they go to the vet and doesn’t get taken for walks or anything (probably for this reason), so the theory is that he has probably come through the fence and started to attack one of our dogs and they have turned on him. With the Alaskan Malamute, it would only have taken 1 shake to snap his neck I guess, hence no blood. The other dog was a Jack Russell. I went to bed all sad, slept for like 9 hours but feel like I am still asleep. My dogs, murders! I went into a complete fit, I called my mum telling her that we would have to put Humphrey down, crrying and so on, but in the end nothing like that, although I will be keeping an eye on him with other dogs, but still we can’t say that he was the cause because no one saw it. I might just be blaming him for nothing but I’m not going to take any chances.

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Just a little picture – Updated Tuesday, Aug 12 2008

So above are photo’s of my great nephew baby Joseph, he is now 5 months in the photos, the first is on his Birth day and the second last Sunday 3rd of August, its amazing how fast they grow isn’t it.

My sister in-law D called me tonight to tell me her reference has been finished and she is emailing it to me to print and send off. Still waiting for it to arrive though in the in-box but my niece who is 13 Miss A is the one sending it and you know you can’t ask them to check it or resend it without getting your head bitten off!

Update – so the email arrived. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Someone – D’s sister, who has known him all her life, knows how much having a family means to him, wrote 2 paragraphs! Please. When my friend C wrote a whole page and she has known me maybe 10 years. Its short and sweet and I guess to the point but since I didn’t see the original questions what can I do? It will get sent and that’s it, the last piece to our puzzle as D puts it.

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some bad …..some good Friday, Aug 8 2008

So the letter came ………… the ‘you stink’ letter! No job for me. I will endeavour to get me one of those local government jobs if it kills me.

On the adoption front, my niece’s reference letter is done and sister in-laws just about to be sent. Phew that’s it on our part, the rest is up to the DHS waiting line. Actually back to job’s, I noticed that there was a administration job going at my DHS office, I thought about it, thought how much easier would it be to get assessed if I work there? But they are always saying how short staffed they are, I give you its always social workers and the like that are short but how bad must it be to work at that office if they are the ones that are always short staffed??

So now it will just be a matter of time till we reach the top of that list, you can’t get a clear answer to how many people are waiting however I have been told that one other couple from the education group have there stuff complete and in, so they are ahead of us, but I thought that we were way behind considering that there were 7 couples from our region at the education training.

So other than that there is really nothing else I’ve got to share except that we are getting a new 42″ or 50″ Plasma TV. D is feverishly working overtime to pay for it (get gets cash in hand for overtime) so will have it paid within 3 weeks. Then its the trip to Bali we have to start paying for. To our surprise D’s sister and mother have all been saving money for it already so we better get our butts moving.

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